I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
