well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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