Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just forgot I was standing up.
I deserve this hangover.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
