How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
