I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
