I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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