I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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