Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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