Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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