my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
