Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
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I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
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You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
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