well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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