I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
