Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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