I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
