I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
