Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
