Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
