do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
