I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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