1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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