I can't watch pbs sober anymore
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
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Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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