got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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