I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
