he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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