it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My penis needs a shock collar
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
