I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
high people should be assigned attendants
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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