worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
