U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
