I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
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I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
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You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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