Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
