Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
not ubering you a puppy
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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