Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
