new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Come share oat with me in your robe
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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