he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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