tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
