Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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