she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
