I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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