Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
