I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
