Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
