The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
