I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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