We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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