She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
