People in love make me want to vomit
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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