Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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