i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
