am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So much Jack, so little girl.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
