this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
