Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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