Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
