I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
