his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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