my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
