I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
