I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
