i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
