I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
