Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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