I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i think im in europe. pls send help
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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