Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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