I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
