Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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