it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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